Category Archives: Motivation

EP-29 How To Be Thankful No Matter What

Personally, I think it’s alot easier NOT being thankful. Yup, I said! Would you rather me lie to you?

Let’s just be honest here. It’s easier to dwell on the negative than the positive. I’ll even say, for some, it’s natural to be pessimistic (I’m raising my hand).

I see this often in any counseling situation I’m in. Finding something to be thankful for isn’t on the forefront of your mind when you feel depressed, angry,  or anxious. How does one stay thankful if they’re going through problems and needing  couples counseling?

Say “Yes” to negative

OK, this already sounds crazy, right? But, here me out…

In counseling, many people want to just forget the negative. I don’t recommend that! You don’t want to mask your problem with fake smiles while there’s an elephant in the room. That’s not being truthful nor is it being true to yourself. No facades here. We’re facing it.

By faking  or masking it, you will prolong the issue because the problem is still there! This is what I help people accept in counseling sessions. Let’s just accept that not everything is ok. Now, you’re being real!

Now, stop chasing the pain!

Chasing the pain is when we continually dwell on the negative that has happened. Sure, it’s natural to go there, but  everything in moderation and balance is key. We want to acknowledge that there are problems, NOT dwell on problems. Dwelling gets you down or worried, and we know what Jesus says about being anxious…

Can any one of you by worrying add a single hour to your life? ~Matthew 6:27

The answer is obviously, “No”.

If you are going through a loss and experiencing grief, this can be tougher for you, but it’s also understandable. There is a degree of “chasing” that you will do. This is part of the grieving process. You just do your best to get through those moments. As time passes, you can begin to see less chasing, but eventually, it must be you who wants to move on/ move forward.

Be a Disciple

Jesus’ ministry was all about making disciples worldwide.

The way you, as a person, will grow is learning! Believe it or not, THAT is the secret!

Bad things are going to happen; that’s a given. The question will be, “Are you will to learn from your issue/ your problem?”

Some issues are bigger than others, but every problem truly has a blessing in disguise. There’s always opportunity, and there is always an answer (in Christ).

But, will you accept that? Will you accept defeat AND accept the lesson? It’s interesting how God will tend to give us the test first and the result is either a testimony or a great lesson.


And… Action! Be Proactive.

This is so cliche. We see this posted all over the place and here’s why; IT’S TRUE! The decision to be more spiritual, happy, thankful, fill in the blank, comes from YOU!

If you need help, YOU need to speak up!
If you want to guidance, YOU need to pick up the phone!
If you want to be thankful, YOU must consciously seek this with a laser focus.

This will pass you up if YOU are passive!


Next time, I will give you some practical ways on how to be thankful…


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Stop Beating Yourself Up For Being A Quitter

Don’t quit! Never quit! Quitting is for losers!

Sayings like this have become so cliche, but many times,  in the spiritual realm, that’s backwards! The truth of the matter is that sometimes we do need to quit. How so?

Quit, in the sense of: acting prideful, acting selfish, with always putting yourself first. These things we must quit!

 “He must increase, but I must decrease.” ~John 3:30

There’s always things not to quit on. For example, you don’t quit on Jesus, you don’t quit having faith, you never put that down. You never quit trusting in the Lord with all your heart. These are the tenets of our Christian Counseling and Couples Counseling.

On a more personal note, there have been things I had to quit. I had to quit a job in the past because it wasn’t good for me. I’ve had to close down businesses because it was no longer profitable or worth the time. I’ve had to quit relationships that were toxic to me, and guess what, so do you!

We have to use wisdom when it comes to quitting. Obviously, if a person is on drugs, quitting would be the wisest decision. If someone is in an extremely abusive relationship. Sometimes the only option is to quit because the abuser doesn’t want to change and may never change. You can’t control that, but you can control you!

So how do you know when to quit?

Go to God= You must pray

Talk to God about what to do about the situation. Not every problem will be the same, some will be easier than others, but regardless, we must take to the Lord to get proper guidance.

I’m not a believer in long winded repetitive prayers (Read Matt. 6:7 to find out why). I think the best prayers tend to be the ones with the fewest words.

Peter, in my opinion, has the best prayer ever uttered.

But when he saw the wind, he was afraid and, beginning to sink, cried out, “Lord, save me!

Matt. 14:30

Guess what. The Lord did…

Immediately Jesus reached out his hand and caught him. Matt. 14:31a

Go to God’s word

The better you understand God’s word, the better you’ll understand God’s patterns, and  the better you understand God’s patterns, the more likely you are to choose wisely.

I mean, it’s simple logic. If you study cookbooks more, you’re going to find new terms, and yes, patterns, that, by repetition, will start to make more and more sense.

Read a little bit of Bible everyday and see if something positive doesn’t happen!

Go to people who are wise

This could be tough because you have to gauge the person before you ask. I often tell people to not get marriage advice from someone who has never been married.

Personally I’m not moved by someone who is enthusiastic or charismatic. I’m a content kind of guy. So their “content” must be sound also.Their life or their lifestyle tells me a lot about them. Are they living a healthy Godly life.

Living a healthy Godly life doesn’t mean that they never have problem. I want to see what they do when problems happen. This will tell you if they walk in God’s wisdom.

And, don’t look for the perfect person, because you’ll never find them. Just look for someone who has gone through it and survived.

This could be a family member, a friend, or a colleague, a lot of times your pastor can help, and if all else fails, you’re very own Christian Counselor.  🙂 Sometimes, books or blogs, such as this one.

We have to realize that a lot of the things we go through, others have gone through already. That’s why I’m a big fan of going to the Bible 1st and then going to people who have experienced it. This is wisdom!

Common sense

Yes, as simple as that sounds, we tend to complicate things. Many times, using common sense can save us a lot of headache. Complicating typical issues for introverts, like myself, is over-thinking. Many times, over thinking creates what they call analysis paralysis. But if I use common sense, I’ll tend to analyze less and just use the facts, and generally make an objective decision.

So, yes sometimes you have to quit. You have to let it go, you have to put it behind you.

Quitting doesn’t make you a loser. If you quit drugs or if you quit a horrible relationship, and yes, even quitting on some people, sometimes makes better sense.

Even Jesus tells us:

And if anyone will not receive you or listen to your words, shake off the dust from your feet when you leave that house or town.  ~Matt. 10:14

That’s Jesus himself telling us to quit when we’re supposed to. That didn’t make the disciples losers, that actually made them wise.

Now I’m the type that doesn’t like to quit. I believe in “When the going gets tough, the tough get going”. I’m stubborn that way.

But, if He must increase and I must decrease, that means that I have to be willing to quit sometimes . God’s ways must be considered more than my own ways.