Category Archives: Relationship

EP-29 How To Be Thankful No Matter What

Personally, I think it’s alot easier NOT being thankful. Yup, I said! Would you rather me lie to you?

Let’s just be honest here. It’s easier to dwell on the negative than the positive. I’ll even say, for some, it’s natural to be pessimistic (I’m raising my hand).

I see this often in any counseling situation I’m in. Finding something to be thankful for isn’t on the forefront of your mind when you feel depressed, angry,  or anxious. How does one stay thankful if they’re going through problems and needing  couples counseling?

Say “Yes” to negative

OK, this already sounds crazy, right? But, here me out…

In counseling, many people want to just forget the negative. I don’t recommend that! You don’t want to mask your problem with fake smiles while there’s an elephant in the room. That’s not being truthful nor is it being true to yourself. No facades here. We’re facing it.

By faking  or masking it, you will prolong the issue because the problem is still there! This is what I help people accept in counseling sessions. Let’s just accept that not everything is ok. Now, you’re being real!

Now, stop chasing the pain!

Chasing the pain is when we continually dwell on the negative that has happened. Sure, it’s natural to go there, but  everything in moderation and balance is key. We want to acknowledge that there are problems, NOT dwell on problems. Dwelling gets you down or worried, and we know what Jesus says about being anxious…

Can any one of you by worrying add a single hour to your life? ~Matthew 6:27

The answer is obviously, “No”.

If you are going through a loss and experiencing grief, this can be tougher for you, but it’s also understandable. There is a degree of “chasing” that you will do. This is part of the grieving process. You just do your best to get through those moments. As time passes, you can begin to see less chasing, but eventually, it must be you who wants to move on/ move forward.

Be a Disciple

Jesus’ ministry was all about making disciples worldwide.

The way you, as a person, will grow is learning! Believe it or not, THAT is the secret!

Bad things are going to happen; that’s a given. The question will be, “Are you will to learn from your issue/ your problem?”

Some issues are bigger than others, but every problem truly has a blessing in disguise. There’s always opportunity, and there is always an answer (in Christ).

But, will you accept that? Will you accept defeat AND accept the lesson? It’s interesting how God will tend to give us the test first and the result is either a testimony or a great lesson.

 

And… Action! Be Proactive.

This is so cliche. We see this posted all over the place and here’s why; IT’S TRUE! The decision to be more spiritual, happy, thankful, fill in the blank, comes from YOU!

If you need help, YOU need to speak up!
If you want to guidance, YOU need to pick up the phone!
If you want to be thankful, YOU must consciously seek this with a laser focus.

This will pass you up if YOU are passive!

 

Next time, I will give you some practical ways on how to be thankful…

 

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Toxic People

9 Toxic People That Will Suffocate Your Soul

I talk a ton about toxic people during individual counseling sessions and in our podcast.

People tell me that I just don’t understand or that the toxic person doesn’t always act that way. All these may be possible, but see for yourself if that person fits into any of these listed below.

The Jacob

In Genesis 27, you learn about a character named Jacob. He cheats his brother out of his inheritance and lies to his dad to steal it. These people are the liars, cheats, and thieves in our lives.

They can be very conniving and very convincing. It could be a significant other who continuously cheats on you and may need couples counseling.

These are the people that are the most toxic in our lives and need to be distanced, and some very far.

The Me, Myself, and I

In Matthew 18:23-35, Jesus talks about a servant who receives mercy, yet doesn’t give mercy. They’ll borrow, but won’t let others borrow. It doesn’t stop there, they will be merciless. They may even put you down for wanting to borrow something from them.

No mercy and it’s all about themselves.

They get a new car and it’s the greatest thing, but you get a new car and they find reasons why it’s sub par.

These people are depressing and many times, leeches on your life. You are just another cog in their world until you’re not needed. Toxic people like this need to be distanced.

The “Oh, That was different”

This is that person who gets mad at you for not standing up for them, but throws you under the bus for something similar. When you confront them on the issue, they tell you “Oh, that was different.”

These people tend to be very hypocritical and many times, have a double standard. They can be selfish and in it just for themselves.

The Chicken Little

This is your typical “Debbie Downer”. They have the scoop on all things negative and sometimes, it could feel like  the sky is falling. Maybe they’re a little too into the conspiracy theories.

Most times, they are harmless, but too much negativity can take a toll on a person.

The Siskel and Ebert

This is that person in your life that has nothing good to say, but has plenty of criticisms. They criticize the way you look, chew, walk, etc. It’s almost as if something negative could happen if they ever complimented you.

This type of relationship is toxic!

The “Brother Bad Luck”

These are those people in your life that you help, but for some reason, your help is needed again, again, again, again, again, again,again,again, oh finally we’re done..but then, again, again, again, again,again….. I think you get it.

For some reason, they just seem to keep having this streak of bad luck. Brother Bad Luck might be praying for a miracle, but, “the Lord” keeps testing him. In a sentence or two, they might bring up the struggles of Job, in the Bible, as a comparison.

The moment you think the helping is done, it’s not. This, in many cases, are those stuck in a victim mentality. These are the people who can walk, but choose not to.

Note: There are cases where the person is genuinely handicapped. These are not to be considered as The “Brother Bad Luck”, and I would recommend helping those who genuinely need it.

The Al Bundy

If you ever watched this (silly) show, you’d recall the speech that Al, the father, would constantly recite. It was about how in 1966 (while in high school), he had scored four touchdowns in a single game.

While that’s fine and dandy, but Al was far from high school and was married…. with children… (Sorry had to).

The point is that Al was still stuck in “the good ole days” and hadn’t moved on. There are those who constantly bring up the past because, unfortunately they still live in the past.

The Pitch Perfect

This is that person who is so nice and sweet. They’re actually a joy to be around, but they have a tendency of over promising and under delivering.

This is that person who constantly says that they miss you, but won’t pick up the phone to call. They may constantly promise to hang out, but something always comes up.

They’ve got the perfect sales pitch to make you feel great, but there follow through is horrible. Perhaps because they give everyone they meet the same pitch they give you.

The Frank Sinatra

They might not be singing I did it my way, but their actions sure scream it. It’s there way or the highway. You have a say, but you don’t. You might be told you’re important, but don’t get in the way.

How about when Frank gets angry because something didn’t go his way. That anger could be outrageous, but later, it’s justified their way.

Nobody is always right, and nobody can always get there way without eventually hurting the people around them. That could be very toxic!

 

Sure, we got through this with some light humor, but I hope you can realize the seriousness of some of these characters we’ve painted.

Toxic people are everywhere and the truth is we (me included) have been toxic at some point. We all go through our rough patches and some break through it.

If you are dealing with toxic people in your life, it’s best to keep at least a little distance. Some deserve to be completely cut out of your life, specifically, those who are abusive.

Sometimes, God will give us an opportunity to speak life into the toxic person. Other times, all we can do is pray for them.

If we can be any help to them, please share this with them, or feel free to contact us below.

Call us now: (626)244-8113

or Text us at: (657)246-2461

 

If you feel like you or someone you know is suffering and may need counselingcontact us now so we can talk about our Individual Counseling in Brea, CAMinutes away from Fullerton, Placentia, Yorba Linda, La Habra, Rowland Heights, Anaheim, and Anaheim Hills.

If you are in a crisis or if you or any other person may be in danger – don’t use this site. These resources can provide you with immediate help.

Temperament Counseling Individual Counseling  | Addiction Counseling  | Anger Management | Anxiety Counseling | Stress Counseling | Depression Counseling | Christian Counseling | Couples Counseling | Marriage Counseling | Grief Counseling

How To Improve Trust in Your Marriage

It’s never easy when someone has broken your trust. This is a common issue in Couples Counseling, so you are not alone on this one.

Trust Issues in Marriage

Maybe your spouse cheated on you which leaves anyone feeling betrayed. The lies can get old and make anyone feel regret and want to give up.

In marriage counseling, we have learned that there are some very important things that you have to do.

To build trust, you have to work on T.R.U.S.T.

Traction, Repetition, Understanding, Simple, and Time

Traction

When trust in a marriage is lost, it’s very difficult to rebuild, especially if you hurt your spouse deeply or more than once. To build trust, you have to build traction and momentum. Since the relationship is damaged, the healing can’t start right away.

It’s like getting a paper cut on your finger. The very first thing you do is stop the bleeding. Your relationship is the same way.

You stop the pain by stopping whatever is causing your spouse the pain! This is how we start to slowly build traction to get to the healing part.

Repetition

You have to be repetitive, in the sense of predictable. You have to have habits that repeat daily as sure as the sun will rise in the morning.

When you have the same (even boring) habits every day, your spouse doesn’t need to think twice about where you are, why you’re 5 minutes late, etc.

The repetition is what builds the stability to build trust in your relationship.

Understanding

If you have hurt your spouse deeply, then this is the time to be even more understanding. That means that when they call you some bad names, you take it. Yes, you are going to get an ear full, but you would probably do the same if they hurt you the way you hurt them.

You have to be willing to be extremely patient, lenient, and understanding with your spouse. Communication must be built again to build trust.

Nobody said this would be easy, but this is the price we pay for redemption with our spouse. It will be worth it after you two get passed this part.

Simple

Keep it simple! You can’t be mysterious in anyway. If they want to see your phone, you have to show it! No mystery, no explanations. If you’ve done other things wrong, you have to (eventually) come clean.The more elaborate/ lies that are discovered, the longer all of this process takes.

Nothing about you should be complicated. The simpler you are to your spouse, the better.

Time

Experts will tell you that it takes 6-12 months for there to be improvement. I would add that it might take longer. Look, you broke their trust. What did you expect?

But, here’s your hope. No matter how long it takes to build trust in your marriage, it’s worth it! This is what love is; sacrifice! (John 15:13, 1 John 3:16)

Sure it will seems impossible sometimes, but is that going to be your excuse? Tough it out, just like your spouse has to bear with you. You’re not the only one suffering. Think of all their pain and memories that will haunt them.

Be patient, stay in prayer, and hold tightly to God and His Word.

If you need anything, we’re right here if you need us.

Call us now: (626)244-8113

or Text us at: (657)246-2461

 

If you feel like you or someone you know is suffering and may need couples counselingcontact us now so we can talk about our Couples Counseling in Brea, CAMinutes away from Fullerton, Placentia, Yorba Linda, La Habra, Rowland Heights, Anaheim, and Anaheim Hills.

If you are in a crisis or if you or any other person may be in danger – don’t use this site. These resources can provide you with immediate help.

Temperament Counseling Individual Counseling  | Addiction Counseling  | Anger Management | Anxiety Counseling | Stress Counseling | Depression Counseling | Christian Counseling | Couples Counseling | Marriage Counseling | Grief Counseling

Divorce will make your child’s depression skyrocket now?

Dad_son_beachThe hardest thing to talk about in couples counseling is the issue of divorce.

Divorce is not supposed to happen. It shouldn’t be part of the plans. The two who make up the relationship are 100% responsible for making sure the marriage stays intact and that maintenance is being kept up to keep the marriage healthy.

Some, unfortunately will end in divorce before seeking any type of marital counsel.

Regardless, the issue of divorce is always heartbreaking and obviously complicates everything. The fact of the matter is that no matter the situation, everybody loses. If there are children in the picture, the loss can sometimes be devastating.

What do the stats say?

Based on the loss of a biological parentthis Canadian study drew from Canada’s National Longitudinal Survey of Children and Youth that concluded :

Adolescents reported more depression symptoms than young adults and girls reported more than boys.

The period of adolescents is one of the most vulnerable times in their lives. This is where they’re learning to think and decide on their own. Teens will need support in this time as they make their hormonal and emotional changes. To divorce in this time can create many dysfunctional behaviors.

Girls’ depression was predicted by loss of a parent by ages 4 to 8 years and higher self-reported anxiety/depression and aggression at ages 10 to 14 years.

This conclusion may seem surprising to some, but truly is predictable. Unfortunately for those who want to divorce, the need for both parents being involved in the marriage is crucial.

Both (healthy minded) parents together create stability for a child. When that child grows into their teen years, they’re less likely to experience deeper depressions with minimal to moderate anxiety.She_looks_down

Among biological mother-child dyads, maternal depression reported by mother when child was aged 4 to 8 years and 10 to 14 years significantly predicted depression for girls.

Many believe that if they divorce, they can finally be free of stress, problems, etc. This, as it shows in the study, simply isn’t true. The truth is ANYONE who gets divorced IS going to experience grief. Part of the grieving process is depression.

Both parties, I repeat, both parties WILL get depressed because that is a natural emotion one should feel after such a loss. This depression will affect the children. What’s worse? While depression was part of the grieving process the parent needed to go through, the child will show depressive behavior even when there’s nothing to be depressed about because they learned by watching their parent that depression equals “normal”, even though this is a misunderstanding of a child who doesn’t know any better.

At 10 to 14 years, child-reported lower parental monitoring (girls only) and greater parental rejection (boys and girls) predicted depression at ages 16 to 20 years.

Again, divorce comes with many consequences. The grass usually is NOT greener on the other side. You will have to deal with yourself and your children who are hurting on the inside. Even if you get divorced, your children are still going to be your responsibility!

Is there hope for my kids and I after divorce?

It is crucial that you do not even think of getting divorced unless there is clear abuse occurring. Please, seek marriage counseling as soon as you can. If your spouse doesn’t want to comply, you must know that at least you were willing to give counseling a shot. You tried everything that you can in your power. That doesn’t make you a failure.

If there is clear abuse happening and the only conclusion that’s left is divorce, there is still hope for the kids. Make sure they feel as safe and supported as possible. Answer as many questions for them as you can (remember to keep your answer age appropriate) and allow them to grieve on their own terms,as long as they don’t try to harm anyone including themselves.Grief counseling can be very beneficial for the whole family as well as all the support you can get from your Church, friends, support groups, or family.

This is not the end, and God has not abandoned you. You, and many others, will make it; you just have to get through this part. You will make it, you will!

If you or someone you know might be having trouble in their marriage, contact us now so we can talk about our Couples Counseling in Brea.

If you contact us now, your 1st session is free!
What do you have to lose?

Finally Alive Counseling is located in the beautiful city of Brea, CA.
Individual Counseling and Couples Counseling located near Fullerton, Placentia, Yorba LindaLa HabraRowland HeightsAnaheim, and Anaheim Hills.

Couples Counseling in Brea with a licensed counselor

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Couples Counseling service in the city of Brea, CA minutes away from Fullerton, Placentia, Yorba Linda, La Habra, Rowland Heights, Anaheim, and Anaheim Hills. Please contact us (626)244-8113 or visit us on FinallyAlive.com

3 Ways To Guarantee You Stay Married

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Nobody, yes, nobody knows what they’re really signing up for when they get married and the divorce stats are proof of that bold statement. It’s like trying to explain love to a 6 year old. It just doesn’t work. You can read all the books on the subject but that could be useless if you don’t realize one main factor. That factor is:

Marriage requires work from both parties.

Sure, you’ve heard that a million times, but do you truly live it? Do both of you truly understand the depths of what trade offs you two must make to have a successful marriage?

That time I sent my poor wife to the Emergency Room

Many years ago (before I did any type of counseling), my wife would get shortness of
breath. Over time, she’d get shortness of breath and the shakes. Then the shakes got more violent when she’d feel like she’d lose control of her body. My wife and I were completely freaked out, and like any good husband would, I rushed her to the E.R. We frantically waited.

Of course, you always think of the worst. Was it some unknown illness? Will they have a cure? Have they seen people go through this before? If so, what is the success rate of people recovering?

The doctor came back with the results. We were waiting to hear a word we’ve never heard of like Yoursickandwillnevergetbetter-itus , but then he said to my wife, “You just had a panic attack.” My wife and I looked at each other completely dumbfounded.

After the E.R., we both just sat in silence in the car. It was eerie. It was awkward. I didn’t expect to hear the words “anxiety” or “panic attack” and I don’t think my wife did either. What does this mean for us? Are we falling apart? Do we not know each other? Have we lost touch? What’s happening to us?

I hated going through that and I hated thinking that, but this was truly one of the most humbling experiences of my life. I realized I did this to my wife. How? What was I missing? Thankfully, I’ve gotten better insight on this because of marriage counseling.

1. Communication

How many times have we heard this one? “You have to communicate. You have to make time for each other.” Yea, but who in the world has time for that?

Well the truth is your excuse is no excuse. Your lack of communication helps the misery you’re in.

Not talking promotes your fantasy. Our brain has an amazing ability to sometimes fill in gaps and can frequently “make up” its own story when it doesn’t have all of the information.

For example, if your spouse showed up at 6 pm sharp everyday, you’ll probably be fine and not need much communication on the subject of when they’re coming home. But, what if your spouse showed up at 9 pm instead, didn’t call to inform you, or didn’t tell you why they were late after they arrived? Naturally, your brain is going to explode into assumptions (filling in the gaps)that, many times, are not realistic. The lack of communication can easily start an argument over our exaggerated assumptions.

Communication in marriage isn’t just chit chatting, it’s one of your greatest sources of information. It’s a gauge into how your spouse is doing and how you two are doing. It is the “board room meeting” of your relationship. It is the distress call on your island. It is the greatest weapon you can have to prevent assumptions and nonsensical arguments.

I lacked good communication with my wife and that aided the E.R. trip that horrific day.

2. Understanding

When I didn’t communicate, I couldn’t understand what went wrong. I couldn’t see her point, because I really didn’t understand it. Instead my assumptions and my selfish ways just blamed.Marriage-succeeds-when-you

We love to blame. Blaming says, “You’re the problem, not me. Go fix yourself and hurry up, I don’t have all day!” When you blame, you’re just telling us how much you may not want to understand. Whether it’s anger, depression, jealousy, or just simply laziness, you owe it to your spouse to have a heart of understanding. Did you forget? You’re not the only one in this relationship!

Understanding works when you’re willing to also be patient. The two go hand in hand. By the way, why are you so impatient? It can’t always be about you. When you’ve made yourself the sole attention, you’ve stolen the attention from your relationship. This is where the attention is supposed to belong.

If you can communicate, you are already light years ahead of many. Now you must slow down and be willing to understand. This is where your deepest connection to your spouse is; understanding. No marriage lasts without understanding.

Be willing to understand even if you don’t understand. That means you must find a way to say, “I don’t get it, but I’m willing. Please give me some time to get it.”

After some deep communication with my wife, I realized what I was doing wrong. I was placing demands on her that was opposite of her temperament and I wasn’t fulfilling her temperament needs. If you know each others temperament, you will better be able to interpret what your spouse is really saying.

Have you ever seen a couple talk by making eye contact with each other? That’s because they get it; they understand one another. In fact, they understand each other so well that they’ve even developed their own language spoken through eyes. How amazing is that? We at Finally Alive Counseling can teach you these valuable skills in Marriage Counseling.

3. Sacrifice

If communication and understanding is easy for you, then sacrifice may be your issue.

Sacrifice says, “You first”, “You can have the last piece of…”, “Don’t worry about me. Tonight, it’s all about you.” I hope you get the theme. None of those examples involved the word “I”. That’s right; sacrifice is selfless!

This selflessness is the most vulnerable feeling you will ever feel. You ARE leaving yourself open for hurt and rejection. If this is a problem for you, please seek individual counseling because that may be something that you must deal with which probably stems from your past.

I can already hear some saying it. “But, that ‘s not fair! Why should I sacrifice myself for my spouse who won’t sacrifice for me?” That’s an excellent question, but a better question is: Why don’t they sacrifice for you? Is it possible you haven’t sacrificed? And if you have, maybe you haven’t sacrificed what your spouse really needs.

I can think of countless times that I’ve seen a couple grumble over this. One spouse sacrifices there time to do something extravagant, when all the other spouse wanted all along was to be understood. But, if they communicated and understood each other, this problem would have never happened.

It’s unfortunate how easily some problems can be fixed if we just communicated, understood ,and sacrificed.

Please realize sacrifice is different than losing yourself. Losing yourself is extremely unhealthy. For example, a wife who covers up her husbands drug addiction isn’t sacrificing. She’s enabling her husband while losing herself. This is NOT good for either person. Sacrificing, in this scenario, would be for the wife to begin with prayer, then get individual counseling to get an unbiased opinion on how to navigate this difficulty, and encourage her husband to get addiction counseling.  This will tend to start arguments, but she is sacrificing her feeling of happiness for his health. That is a true selflessness.

That period in my life was very difficult for me, but by the grace of God, we were able to see, grow, and fight through what was the root cause of her anxiety.Nobody wants bad things to happen, but if they happen, be willing to communicate, understand and sacrifice.

If you or someone you know might be having trouble in their marriage, contact us now so we can talk about our Marriage Counseling in Brea.

CUN1If you contact us now, your 1st session is free!
What do you have to lose?

Finally Alive Counseling is located in the beautiful city of Brea, CA.
Individual Counseling and Couples Counseling located near Fullerton, Placentia, Yorba LindaLa HabraRowland HeightsAnaheim, and Anaheim Hills.

 

Why do opposites attract when it comes to relationships?

 

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I find a common theme in many couples counseling sessions. That is that many relationships consist of two people who are very different than one another. One might be very talkative, but the other very quiet. One might be very outgoing and straightforward, while the other timid. How does this happen? How do they find each other?

The balancing act in relationships

Fire and water can’t exist in the same place. A liquid and a solid can’t take up the same space. If those opposites don’t mesh, how can a “happy-go-lucky” type of person mesh with a person who is very serious? So is this some kind of sick joke that we play on ourselves? The truth is they don’t mesh, they compliment.

Both water and fire are necessary in life, but we never use both for the same purpose. For example: What would you tell me if I was trying to barbecue with water. You might call me crazy and have me contact a counselor to diagnose my head because you use fire and not water to grill your food. But what would you tell me if I was trying to clean my utensils with fire. You would be convinced that there was something wrong with me because you use water, not fire, to clean your utensils.

The members in a relationship are no different than the fire and water example above. You need both, but not always for the same things at the same time. If you are the serious type, then chances are that you tend to worry and stress often. If your mate is the opposite, they will compliment you by revealing the bright side of things. Opposite attraction in a relationship can create a couple that can cope better organically. When both parties in the relationship are mentally healthy, the opposite attraction becomes a balance between spontaneity and over thinking which is deathly necessary.

How do opposites even attract if they are opposites?

There are tons of theories on this phenomenon. It only makes sense to choose a mate that has similar interests and is similar to you. After all, there’s comfort in what we’re used to, right?

My theory on this:

The serious type tends to be quiet, wound up, often stressed, worried, and overthinks. When they encounter someone who doesn’t seem to have these types of burdens, it is almost awe inspiring. Perhaps sub-consciously, they are thinking, “Wow! How can they carry themselves that way? I wish I could do that.” For the serious type, it is almost amusing and an enjoyable site. Since they are not extroverts, it is an intriguing phenomenon to them. Of course, I don’t believe people are outright thinking this, but I believe if you think about it, the serious type might notice it.

The “happy skippy” type tends to be the socialite, star of the show, can put a smile on almost anyone’s face, and can easily talk to anyone. I believe that, for the most part, it may be a more  off-the-cuff type decision for them to enter a relationship with the serious type because, when thought through, it just wouldn’t make sense. But we must realize, the socialite doesn’t like quiet, so it is a bit of a challenge to get the serious one to come out of their shell. They can’t comprehend why anyone could be down, everyone has to be HAPPY! The socialite will take on the challenge on a whim to be able to still be the “star of the show”. Nothing wrong with this as long as it stays healthy and not abusive for either party.

Neither type is better than the other, they both have their strengths. The secret in couples counseling is to find ways to make it compliment and work together.

How do opposites even find each other?

There isn’t one answer to this, but more than likely it is going to be the more outgoing one who will make bolder moves. The quiet type may tend to be more reserved, so they might be more of a reactor than an actor. You can even see the chemistry in this work as complimentary to each other.

This is not to say that a reserved person can’t approach people. The point is that it’s just not there thing. Approach just tends to be the outgoing persons forte.

The fact of the matter is that we all need each other because we all compliment each other. We can’t know how to truly love unless we know what to truly hate, otherwise what is love worth? We can’t have people who are always too serious, because then life would be boring. On the other hand we can’t have people who aren’t serious, because we’d get nothing done. So you see, we need them both.

If opposites attract because we need variety, then variety truly is the spice of life.

5 Reasons why you’re going to fail

In life we will go through many trials, but some people have a better way of handling it. In counseling I’m able to see them all and have begun to see a pattern of why some people will always be a failure.

Here are five:

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1. The lacking planner

We’ve heard the saying, “Failing to plan is planning to fail”. That couldn’t be truer in some couples counseling sessions.

Many times I’ve asked couples what their goal in counseling is and they both give me a blank stare. It’s obvious that having a goal was never a goal.

2. The Articulate Critic

Have you ever experienced a person who was never happy? You know the one that always has an excuse or has an opinion about everything.

How about those that are impossible to please. You go to a restaurant, they order a burger, and give the waiter specific instructions on how to cook the meat (as if the cook has never done this). Of course, when they get their food, they’re disgusted and outraged on why they didn’t cook it right.

Well, I call this person the Articulate Critic. I have been criticized for my clothes and other facets. Why doesn’t it drive me crazy? Because they’re scared, so their defenses are on high. It’s a protecting mechanism, but more importantly, they have created a path out of counseling.

This critic will articulate everything that is horrible about you to avoid the real problem, themselves. Some will even stop coming to counseling because, “If the counselor was closer to my work”, “If the counselor was younger/ older so they can relate to me”, or “If the counselor wouldn’t wear that, I could take them more seriously”. Very articulate, but no substance to the argument.

3. The Hopeless romantic

“But we were made for each other.” “God put this person in my path because…” and we can go on forever.

I call these Hopeless Romantics because everything sounds like a movie quote or some novel. Here’s the issue with this; their sources are movies and novels, not real life!

4. The Webmd professor

I know we all go online to self (mis)diagnose and as we do that, we begin to learn new terms and definitions. Then we also like to take this (mis)information and pretend we’ve just magically bypassed any type of formal schooling because we’ve read the entire paragraph which makes us experts.

OK, you see the satire, but it doesn’t make it any less true. We’re all guilty of this and that becomes our folly. As great as these websites are, they’re in no way a formal diagnosis and can lead you down a worse path.

5. The Love Doctors groupie

There are some wonderful books out their about any subject under the sun. The only problem is that many books are like conversations that you walked in on. You don’t know how or why it started. Sure, you can get the gist of it, but many times, you miss an important point, and now your misunderstanding has given birth to a rumor.

I highly recommend reading books, but don’t forget most self-help books are written to a general audience, thus some important aspects may not be mentioned or may be completely ignored.

I hope you see that this isn’t meant to put people down, but rather educate you, the reader. Life can be intimidating and the key is to face the facts and prevent being a loser.

If you or someone you know might be suffering, contact us now so we can talk about our Individual Counseling in Brea or Couples Counseling in Brea

CUN1If you contact us now, your 1st session is free!
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Finally Alive Counseling is located in the beautiful city of Brea, CA.
Individual Counseling and Couples Counseling located near Fullerton, Placentia, Yorba LindaLa HabraRowland HeightsAnaheim, and Anaheim Hills.

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