It’s never easy when someone has broken your trust. This is a common issue in Couples Counseling, so you are not alone on this one.
Trust Issues in Marriage
Maybe your spouse cheated on you which leaves anyone feeling betrayed. The lies can get old and make anyone feel regret and want to give up.
In marriage counseling, we have learned that there are some very important things that you have to do.
To build trust, you have to work on T.R.U.S.T.
Traction, Repetition, Understanding, Simple, and Time
When trust in a marriage is lost, it’s very difficult to rebuild, especially if you hurt your spouse deeply or more than once. To build trust, you have to build traction and momentum. Since the relationship is damaged, the healing can’t start right away.
It’s like getting a paper cut on your finger. The very first thing you do is stop the bleeding. Your relationship is the same way.
You stop the pain by stopping whatever is causing your spouse the pain! This is how we start to slowly build traction to get to the healing part.
You have to be repetitive, in the sense of predictable. You have to have habits that repeat daily as sure as the sun will rise in the morning.
When you have the same (even boring) habits every day, your spouse doesn’t need to think twice about where you are, why you’re 5 minutes late, etc.
The repetition is what builds the stability to build trust in your relationship.
If you have hurt your spouse deeply, then this is the time to be even more understanding. That means that when they call you some bad names, you take it. Yes, you are going to get an ear full, but you would probably do the same if they hurt you the way you hurt them.
You have to be willing to be extremely patient, lenient, and understanding with your spouse. Communication must be built again to build trust.
Nobody said this would be easy, but this is the price we pay for redemption with our spouse. It will be worth it after you two get passed this part.
Keep it simple! You can’t be mysterious in anyway. If they want to see your phone, you have to show it! No mystery, no explanations. If you’ve done other things wrong, you have to (eventually) come clean.The more elaborate/ lies that are discovered, the longer all of this process takes.
Nothing about you should be complicated. The simpler you are to your spouse, the better.
Experts will tell you that it takes 6-12 months for there to be improvement. I would add that it might take longer. Look, you broke their trust. What did you expect?
But, here’s your hope. No matter how long it takes to build trust in your marriage, it’s worth it! This is what love is; sacrifice! (John 15:13, 1 John 3:16)
Sure it will seems impossible sometimes, but is that going to be your excuse? Tough it out, just like your spouse has to bear with you. You’re not the only one suffering. Think of all their pain and memories that will haunt them.
Be patient, stay in prayer, and hold tightly to God and His Word.
If you need anything, we’re right here if you need us.
Call us now: (626)244-8113
or Text us at: (657)246-2461
If you feel like you or someone you know is suffering and may need couples counseling, contact us now so we can talk about our Couples Counseling in Brea, CA. Minutes away from Fullerton, Placentia, Yorba Linda, La Habra, Rowland Heights, Anaheim, and Anaheim Hills.
If you are in a crisis or if you or any other person may be in danger – don’t use this site. These resources can provide you with immediate help.
Temperament Counseling | Individual Counseling | Addiction Counseling | Anger Management | Anxiety Counseling | Stress Counseling | Depression Counseling | Christian Counseling | Couples Counseling | Marriage Counseling | Grief Counseling