Whether it was a friend or our own, we’ve seen bad relationships time after time. It’s almost paradoxical how this happens. You know when you see a friend in a horrible relationship where there’s more giving then receiving or even some who are in a terribly abusive one and you just can’t figure out why they won’t leave. You think, “at least get some help or something!”, but of course they don’t and they stay miserable, eventually break up or divorce.

Jack and Jill’s relationship…

Jack goes to work and gets yelled at by his boss. Jill works and takes care of the kids, yet Jack is always finding something else to get mad at. Finally, one day Jack comes home after a fight at work. Jill has dinner prepared and Jack goes into a tirade because the food wasn’t precisely the temperature he likes it. He also adds that Jill always overdoes the steamed vegetables and insists that she go learn to cook from his mother.

Jill now begins to stew on the fact that she’s given her all into this relationship. She has worked because Jack’s career isn’t making ends meet, she’s helped raise two wonderful kids, and still makes time to get her chores that Jack promises every week to do. She’s now furious and feels lost and alone. She says, “He’ll never appreciate all I do for him.”

I’ve seen many come into couples counseling/ marriage counseling and ask, “Why do I stay or go back into bad relationships?”

A healthy relationship has many properties, but one of the main characteristics is freedom.

When you’re in a relationship, there must be freedom to act, do, or feel. It’s when you can’t do or talk about certain things that begins to hinder the relationship. We’ve all seen or experienced feeling suffocated in a relationship. This is because the freedom is limited, now joy is depleting, thus you are now stuck in a stagnant relationship.

When I talk about being free, I don’t mean free in the sense of becoming promiscuous or taking up a hobby in drug paraphernalia. That would be a lustful freedom, not loving. An individual must feel free to talk about most subjects, and have a mutual agreement on most things.

Why don’t all couples want to be free?

Usually, it’s not the couple who chooses to live restrained, it’s an individual. Perhaps they have felt abandoned, misunderstood, or rejected. Now they are suffering by guarding themselves rather than talking to an individual counselor and dealing with the problems. This person will be in a downward spiral for the rest of their lives because they choose to live in shackles called “lies”, unless they seek the proper help.

Here’s a dead giveaway of a relationship in shackles: abnormally strict rules and “we don’t talk about that”. The strict rules keeps things from getting too exciting so nothing unexpected can happen. “We don’t talk about that” is just that. We don’t mention those things because it makes the other person uncomfortable, so we can never get it resolved.

Some prefer shackles over being alone. This is why we see so many people living in abusive relationships. They have been manipulated into believing that being alone will hurt more than the abusive relationship. What an absolute lie!

We all deserve to be happy, but only if we are willing to face the facts. It’s possible to have good, happy, healthy relationships. You just have to reach out to someone who will help.

If you or someone you know might be suffering in their relationship, contact us now so we can talk about our Couples Counseling in Brea or Marriage Counseling in Brea. 

If you contact us now, your 1st session is free!
What do you have to lose?

Finally Alive Counseling is located in the beautiful city of Brea, CA.
Couples Counseling located near Fullerton, Placentia, Yorba Linda, La Habra, Rowland Heights, Anaheim, and Anaheim Hills.